I just want a new bag, why do I have to deal with a crotch?

[ridicully]

These are the problems that define my life.
If I don't have very much to take with me I don't use my big leather bag but a small self made one.
It's looking quite shabby after more than five years of use, so I decided it's time for a new one.
The only problem is that this involves sewing.
I'm so bad at it it isn't funny.
I also hate it. Just sit me down in front of a sewing machine and I start to sweat and try to find a way to escape.
To get my bag I have nothing more to do than to sew the legs of an old pair of jeans shut.
But the stupid crotch gets in the way every time. And if I've navigated around my seam ends up everywhere but where I want it.

I think if I beg my mother will do it for me. She can do patchwork, this should be easy for her.

I'm also somehow scared that I got all the 80s song lyrics right.
I'm sure I never heard any of those songs.